When the news broke that the car crash that led to a 911 call that unleashed the media who revealed that the wholesome-packaged golf phenom Tiger Woods was having affairs in the plural, I was on it. I wrote, in what I intended to be a compassionate plea, asking people to steer clear of judging Elin Nordegren, to avoid harshly debating whether she should stay in her marriage or flee. I said I thought we should support the quiet wife of this superstar athlete in doing what it was she needed to do to be the healthiest possible woman and mother during a marriage crisis and media circus.
And I meant it. When a celebrity male is caught cheating, why do we immediately look to the betrayed wife and make sweeping assumptions and accusations as soon as she stands next to him at the podium during the inevitable press conference or walks, presumably with a Barbara Walters interview to soon follow?
Eyes are rolled at the person cheating and then judgments made of the spouse. And while these things are always complicated, it seems like one more victimization added to a big pile of infidelity and lying and God only knows what else. I would so much rather use our powers for good, for the people calling in to Larry King and tweeting with Ryan Seacrest and posting on People.com to send good thoughts and positive energy toward the person who really has to pick up the pieces, not pick her (and let's be honest, it's most often a her) apart for choosing to see a marriage counselor or divorce attorney.
That said -- and I will likely get panned for this -- I admit that I am relieved to read that Elin and Tiger's divorce is final. After months of intensive therapy and trying to mend so many broken things, she's no longer officially Mrs. Woods. And I'm glad to hear that.
I wouldn't have criticized her for staying longer or forever. I might not have understood it, but I don't live in their marriage. I seriously considered staying in my marriage for things I never, ever thought I would tolerate. I felt that I had to do my family the service of thinking about it, of trying as hard as I could, of really exploring my own boundaries of trust and forgiveness and love. In the end, I left and had my own divorce finalized, not with any media coverage or public revelation of settlement numbers or much more than a glass of champagne at a steakhouse with my parents. But after the hell that was separation and divorce and court and a parenting agreement and continued custody issues, I would never, ever wish that on anyone. And I don't think I could wag a finger at a woman who was willing to continue on in her marriage or who didn't take the step of considering or counseling before she closed the door to the family home behind her. Limits, like marriages, are personal, private, and our own to handle, whether poorly or well, with humbleness or with outrageous ego, in the spotlight or in quiet corners, in sickness and in health.
coppied by http://astrology.yahoo.com/channel/sex/out-of-the-woods-is-it-a-relief-that-elin-and-tigers-divorce-is-final-2369624/;_ylt=ApNFdqMNuNTC2viPojdGfUKBbqU5
No comments:
Post a Comment